Testimony of a Christian: How She Overcame the Temptation to Have an Affair (Part 2)

Testimony of a Christian: How She Overcame the Temptation to Have an Affair (Part 2)

By Xiyue, Henan Province

Over the next few days, although Jingru had not fallen into Satan’s temptation and she knew that she could never be with Wang Wei, her meeting with Wang Wei that evening and his sincere confession replayed in her mind over and over like a scene in a movie …

When Wang Wei called her again, Jingru’s heart was a bit shaken, and she said to herself: “The two of us cannot get together, but we can still be ordinary friends. So long as I keep my feet so that I don’t do anything that goes too far, then it’ll be fine.” She then answered the call from Wang Wei and chatted with him. As time went on, Jingru often thought about whether or not Wang Wei would call, to the point where her heart began to look forward to it. Every time he called, Jingru would comfort herself before answering the phone very naturally…. As things progressed, the calls between Wang Wei and Jingru became more frequent. But after every call, Jingru would feel uneasy and pained, and she realized that her actions were not conforming to God’s will, and that her feelings of pain and unease were precisely God reminding her and reproaching her. She then immediately went before God and prayed: “O God! I know I shouldn’t keep in touch with Wang Wei, but I can’t control my own heart. I can’t help but indulge myself and slide down toward sin. O God! I don’t want my actions in this matter to displease You. O God! Please save me!”

Afterward, Jingru saw several passages of words, and she found the way to free herself from pain. God’s words say: “All of you live in a place of sin and licentiousness; you are all licentious and sinful people. Today you not only can see God, but more importantly, you have received chastisement and judgment, received such deepest salvation, that is, received God’s greatest love. … As you do not know how to lead a life or how to live, and you live in this licentious and sinful place and are licentious and filthy devils, He does not have the heart to let you become even more depraved; neither has He the heart to see you living in the filthy place like this, being trampled by Satan at will, or the heart to let you fall into Hades. He only wants to gain this group of you and thoroughly save you” (“The Inside Truth of the Conquering Work (4)”). It says in Sermons and Fellowship: “By now, you understand how all people who are trapped by lust finally end up, right? What is the final outcome for most of these people? Do they meet with curses? Are there any good outcomes? They do not attain peace all life long! This is the confusion and trouble to which lust leads; it is unbearable suffering! Of all those people who seek a marriage partner recklessly or abnormally, are there any who have a happy outcome? There are no good final results, and they ultimately meet with curses. That is not a thing to be toyed with” (“What Kind of Person Will Be Perfected by God” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (VII)). “Think about when you see someone of the opposite sex and have some lewd thoughts, how do you deal with this problem? At the very least you must first respect marriage. If the person has a husband (or wife), then you need to respect this person’s marriage. You cannot interfere with someone’s marriage; to respect others is to respect yourself, if you do not respect others then you do not respect yourself. If you respect others then others will respect you. If in your heart you do not respect marriage then you do not have humanity. If you are able to respect marriage, if you are able to love others and respect others, then you will not do things that harm others. If you are able to refuse someone even when they throw themselves into your arms, then you are dealing with things properly. What must you be equipped with to be able to refuse these temptations and seductions? You must be equipped with the truth, then you will be able to see these things very clearly. After you are able to clearly see the substance of this issue, then you will know what kind of harm the actions on your part will bring to others, you will know what kind of injuries others suffer from in their hearts, you will know to what extent you’ve wrecked someone’s personality, and once you understand these things you will no longer act in ways that cause them; whenever these kinds of thoughts and ideas come into your mind you will be able to reject them, you will not be interested in them, you will not pay attention to them, because they will not sway your heart” (“Focusing on Solving Three Problems That Are Currently Widespread in the Church” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (VI)).

As she carefully contemplated God’s words and the words of fellowship, Jingru knew that she had fallen into an inescapable whirlpool of emotions because she had not seen through Satan’s cunning scheme or the essence, damage, and consequences of playing around with lust. Only as she reflected on this did she realize that it was Satan who was indoctrinating her with the ideas of “Love is supreme,” “The lovers finally get married,” “Don’t ask for eternity, be happy with now,” and “Love is not a sin” making her fantasize about a beautiful love and thus not be restrained by morals or her conscience, making her always think about Wang Wei, always keeping in touch with him, being entangled with him, and living in sin and coveting the pleasures of sin whilst not believing it to be wrong. Jingru thought of the many people around her who engaged in extramarital affairs, and of the many men who kept mistresses. Although they satisfied their transient lust, they ended up causing family quarrels and broken marriages, and there were even some people who were killed because of becoming enmeshed in a love triangle. Now, the “me too” online movement had exploded onto university campuses and into circles of public welfare and public information, and into the media, and there were many famous people and intellectuals who had been caught having one-night stands, who had been utterly discredited and whose names had become bywords for promiscuity. Chinese government officials in particular have both wives and mistresses, and many of them have been exploited and conspired against by their political enemies for having had extramarital affairs, resulting in them being thrown into prison as felons. Jingru saw clearly that people engaged in extramarital affairs so as to satisfy their lusts, and that it was a negative, wicked thing that could only mire people in a quagmire of sin. Just like gamblers who want to gamble again when they lose, and who in the end bring their families to financial ruin and make their family members scattered far and wide, those who play with lust play once and then want to play again, they do it once and then want to do it again, and the more they play the emptier they become, until finally they sink into fornication and sin and cannot get back out. Ultimately, they ruin their own bodies and cause endless troubles for themselves in the future, and there are even some people who lose the will to live, and choose to end their own lives. So it seemed to Jingru that playing with lust was not a good thing to do; it was something sinful that would only bring punishment and the wrath of heaven down upon those who engaged in it, and that could only lead people along the path of destruction. Jingru then understood that satanic philosophy and logic were all delusional lies, untruths that deceived people, and tools by which Satan corrupted people, and that there was no true love between people who engaged in extramarital affairs. If someone had true love, then they would have humanity, they would respect the other person and respect the institution of marriage, and they would not do anything that would hurt another person. People who engaged in extramarital affairs were actually playing with each other’s lusts and using each other. As she came to this realization, Jingru then went before God and prayed: “O God! I now realize the harmful consequences of living by Satan’s poisons. I don’t want to live in physical lust relying on these satanic poisons any longer. Staying in touch with Wang Wei is a life lived without integrity or dignity, and much less do I want to do anything that may bring shame on Your name or make me lose the testimony of a Christian. I pray that You give me a God-fearing heart, make me able to persevere with the principles of the truth and forsake my flesh, be a wise person who avoids danger when seeing it, and be someone who lives out a true human likeness to the glory of God.”

One day, on her way to church, Jingru bumped into Wang Wei. He was driving along the road and he called to her, and Jingru very much wanted to respond, but she immediately thought of God’s words and the prayer she’d spoken before God. She knew she couldn’t go on that way, so she just looked at Wang Wei sitting in his car, and said nothing. She continued on her way, riding her electric scooter, and Wang Wei began to follow along behind her, beeping his horn. In her heart, Jingru prayed silently to God and asked Him to keep her so that she could see through Satan’s cunning scheme and stand witness as a Christian. After praying, Jingru’s heart was calmed, and she gave Wang Wei no response. She just kept trying to think of how she could shake him off. It just so happened that they then came to a fork in the road, and when she saw Wang Wei’s car turning, she immediately turned in the opposite direction and sped off …

Jingru saw Wang Wei on the road many times thereafter, and she always treated him this way every time, and God opened up ways out for her: Either Wang Wei would bump into lots of people he knew, or it would be a traffic jam, and so he never had the opportunity to get close to Jingru. So that she wouldn’t have any more contact with Wang Wei, Jingru changed her mobile number, and as time went on, the two of them never mixed with each other again.

Recalling this experience, Jingru came to truly appreciate this: Now, in this world filled with myriad temptations, we will encounter all kinds of temptations and seductions from Satan every day, and because we are without the truth and cannot distinguish these things, and because we live by Satan’s poisons, we will be unable to stop ourselves from following evil trends, will become mired in sins that we are unable to escape from, and will be deceived and harmed by Satan. If we want to see through all the various temptations and cunning schemes of Satan, then there is only one path, which is to come before God, arm ourselves more with God’s words, understand more truths, learn how to tell the difference between positive and negative things, understand thoroughly all of Satan’s cunning ploys, base our outlook on God’s words when we encounter all people, matters and things, practice in accordance with God’s words, and act with principle, and only then will we not fall into the temptations of Satan. Just as God’s words say: “The truth that man needs to possess is found in the word of God, a truth that is the most beneficial and helpful to mankind. It is the tonic and sustenance that your body needs, something that helps man restore his normal humanity, a truth that man should be equipped with. The more you practice God’s word, the more quickly your life will blossom; the more you practice God’s word, the clearer the truth becomes. As you grow in stature, you will see things of the spiritual world more clearly, and you will be more powerful to triumph over Satan” (“Practice the Truth Once You Understand It”).

Jingru sighed with emotion, and thought: “Had it not been for God saving and protecting me through His words, I would long ago have degenerated into someone without a human likeness, and I would have done things devoid of integrity or dignity, like those people who have extramarital affairs, who become the lovers of married people, and who become the other woman. I would also have been burdened with the bad name of a home-wrecker, and would have lived a degraded life, suffering the condemnation of my own conscience.” From the bottom of her heart, Jingru gave thanks and praise to God! Today, her life has regained its previous tranquility, she joyfully performs her duty in the church, she accepts the judgment and purification of God’s words, and she is striding toward a life of true happiness. All glory be to God!

Testimony of a Christian: How She Overcame the Temptation to Have an Affair (Part 1)

Testimony of a Christian:
How She Overcame the Temptation to Have an Affair (Part 1)

By Xiyue, Henan Province 

One evening, Jingru was tidying her place. 

“Ring, ring.” The phone began to ring. She answered it and a strange yet familiar voice sounded in her ear: “Hello! It’s Wang Wei. You’re home!” 

“Wang Wei?” Jingru was somewhat astonished: Why was he calling her now after so many years? 

“Yes … I’m home. What’s up?” asked Jingru in surprise. 

“Long time no see. I’d like to take you for a ride. I’m on my way to your place and will arrive soon. Wait outside your door for me!” said Wang Wei. 

After she’d hung up, Jingru’s heart began to race, and her thoughts immediately returned to those days at school …

Jingru had not only grown to be pretty, but she also got good grades, and many boys in the school, including Wang Wei, pursued her. In order to get himself into Jingru’s world, Wang Wei employed all kinds of ways to get closer to her, like passing messages, writing letters and giving her presents to express his feelings for her. But Jingru was an obedient, sensible girl, and she didn’t want her studies to be affected or to disappoint her parent’s expectations of her because of some emotional distraction, and so she always adopted an indifferent attitude in the face of Wang Wei’s persistent pursuit. But Wang Wei didn’t give up just because Jingru gave him the cold shoulder, and several years later Wang Wei was still pursuing her just as he’d always done. His persistence began ever so slightly to move Jingru’s heart, but she was only slightly moved. Later, a few female classmates began to appear around Wang Wei, and they would follow him around all day long. Jingru’s tranquil heart began to surge, and she thought she could use this circumstance to test Wang Wei for a semester; if he remained unmoved by these girls and kept pursuing her, then she would relent to his pursuit … 

“Beep beep!” The car horn broke Jingru’s reverie. Wang Wei was already outside waiting. 

Jingru got into his car, and faced with this long-absent, unexpected meeting, they both lapsed into silence. 

They drove around aimlessly, and the atmosphere became somewhat awkward. 

After a good while, Wang Wei broke the silence. “So … how have you been?” 

“Good, thanks. All good,” Jingru replied lightly. 

“Where have you been all these years? I couldn’t find you. It was like you’d disappeared off the face of the earth. Only when I accidentally saw your number on a friend’s phone did I give you a call, otherwise who knows when I would have seen you again!” said Wang Wei, driving the car and looking every now and then at Jingru as he spoke. 

“I haven’t been anywhere. It’s just that work has been quite busy, so I haven’t been in touch with any of you,” said Jingru in a measured tone.

Wang Wei stopped the car by the side of the road. He then said to Jingru what was in his heart, and in his deep voice there were both sorrow and regret: “I was always after you when we were at school. For five years I pursued you! But you were always so cold to me, I don’t know how I got through all those years. After you left school, I enrolled in a military school, but I still thought of you all the time. After I graduated, I looked for you everywhere, but never found you. Finally, I got married because of pressure from my family, but you were still in my heart, before, now and forever. When I unexpectedly saw your phone number, there was only one word in my mind: Regret. I regret that I didn’t wait to get married, and that I didn’t meet you sooner …” 

Hearing Wang Wei make such a sincere confession, Jingru felt a bitter grief. Looking at Wang Wei now, whose face that had always been handsome was now more mature and dignified, to her surprise, Jingru’s heart was turned to Wang Wei … 

“Ah, pursuing you all those years and being treated so coldly by you, I was in the dark, and I chose to wait for your answer one more year, but in the end … you were still you, and I was still me. Tell me, why did you always ignore me at school? What did you think about me? Can you tell me?” asked a somewhat hurt Wang Wei. 

Hearing this, Jingru also felt hurt and regret—hurt because she had been so heartless back then and had wounded Wang Wei, and regret because she had missed the chance to be with Wang Wei back then because of her indifference. Looking at Wang Wei, Jingru sighed that after so many years Wang Wei actually still kept her in his mind. She thought of how she was no longer young and how she still hadn’t found a suitable boyfriend, and how all her friends had gotten married one by one, leaving her as the only one who was alone. She wanted a partner who loved her too, and so many times she’d dreamed a romantic picture of her and a lover being so intimate and close together, and had even dreamed of herself and Wang Wei going together…. She also thought of how Wang Wei had persistently pursued her back then, and she regretted that she hadn’t been able to appreciate it. Now Wang Wei was still pursuing her and she really wanted to relent to him, and be his partner. But her reason said to her: “Wang Wei is married already! As a Christian, you must bear a Christian’s testimony. You absolutely must not impulsively say your true feelings to Wang Wei. Only by conducting yourself in accordance with God’s requirements can you conform to God’s will.” But the feelings in the deeps of her heart and her reason tore her in different directions, and she felt pained. 

Jingru put her confused thoughts in order, forced herself to pretend that nothing was amiss, and replied to Wang Wei: “That year, I wanted to test you for one more semester. If your feelings for me didn’t change, then I would consider going out with you. But then I thought of my parents’ expectations of me … I guess it was fate!”

Jingru suppressed her feelings as she said this, but she felt a gripping pain. If she could have turned back the clock, she would certainly have agreed to go out with Wang Wei without a moment’s hesitation, and then maybe they wouldn’t be in this situation now. But now, Jingru was doing all she could to hold her emotions in check, and tears began to fall quietly down her face. She was afraid Wang Wei would see, so she turned her face to the window. But Wang Wei sensed that Jingru was crying, and he hurriedly took out a tissue to wipe her eyes. 

In her heart, Jingru silently called on God to keep her, so that she could steel herself not to fall into temptation and lose the testimony of a Christian. She took the tissue and said, “I’ll do it.” After she’d dried her tears, Wang Wei suddenly took her hand and began to bring it up to his shoulder, and right then, being so upset, Jingru did indeed need a shoulder for comfort. For a moment, Jingru felt in a trance, and wanted to lean on that shoulder, but God’s words that teach and warn people appeared in her mind: “As for all people who do evil (those who fornicate, or deal in dirty money, or have unclear boundaries between men and women, or who interrupt or damage My management, or whose spirits are blocked, or who are possessed by the evil spirits, and so on—all except My elect), none of them will be let off, nor any pardoned, but all will be cast down to Hades and perish forever!” (“The Ninety-fourth Utterance”). Jingru felt that God’s words were judging and reproaching her, and in an instant she awoke from her trance. She knew clearly that God is holy, that God’s disposition is righteous and inviolable, and that what God most hates is people who engage in promiscuity and who have unclear boundaries between men and women. She knew that if she made a mistake in her relations with men, then she would be stained forever, and she would be condemned, hated and cursed by God, she would lose the testimony of a Christian and would lose the salvation of God. Jingru knew that the moment she took one step toward Wang Wei, then she would be utterly lost. Faced with this situation, Jingru felt unprecedented fear and unease. She thought that not only could she not do anything that would offend God’s disposition, but she must also respect Wang Wei’s marriage. Wang Wei was no longer the boy in the schoolyard who had pursued her, but was now a man with a family, a wife and children. If she took a wrong step now, she would destroy someone else’s family, and become the shameful other woman. God’s words of judgment caused a God-fearing heart to arise within Jingru. Mustering up all her strength, she threw off Wang Wei’s hand, and said coldly, “It’s too late. Take me home!” 

“After all these years, why do you still keep me out? Can’t I even comfort you?” said Wang Wei unhappily. 

“You’ve misunderstood. I’m not keeping you out. I’m respecting you, because you have a family. You have to think of them,” replied Jingru calmly. 

But Wang Wei pressed Jingru, saying, “And if I divorced? Would you give me a chance then? I’m not just saying this on the spur of the moment!” 

This question made Jingru’s heart surge again, and she didn’t know what to say. She just silently prayed to God in her heart: “O God! Please protect my heart and keep me from doing anything that would offend Your disposition.” After she’d prayed, she thought of these words of God which say: “Their words nourish your heart and captivate you so that you become disoriented and without realizing it, you are sucked in and willing to be of service to them, be their outlet as well as their servant. You have no complaints at all but are willing to be at their disposal—you are deceived by them” (“Your Character Is So Lowly!”). God’s words once again awakened Jingru, and she knew that the surging in her heart was because she was falling under the control of evil lusts; this was Satan putting its cunning scheme into action to seduce her, to make her live in sin and lose the testimony of a Christian, and to make her sink into physical lust and become more and more degenerate and corrupt. Therefore, she knew that she must have discernment, and must see through Satan’s cunning scheme. Wang Wei was already married—that was a fact—and Jingru knew that she could not be deceived into losing her reason because of some passing sweet words. If she really did take a wrong step and say some wrong things, then she would become Satan’s fool, she would be serving as Satan’s outlet and she would become the disgraceful other woman; the outcome would be a broken family, endless pain for Wang Wei’s wife and children, and she herself would be irreparably stained before God—the consequences were unthinkable. 

As she came to this realization, Jingru steadied her feelings, and calmly replied: “Don’t be silly. Even if you did divorce, we would still just be friends. I took what you said to be a joke. Take me home.” Wang Wei saw Jingru’s resolute attitude, and said no more. 

At last, they arrived back at Jingru’s door, and as Jingru was just about to get out of the car, Wang Wei went to hold her hand again, but she quickly got out and hurried to her door. After she got inside, she lay down on her bed. She couldn’t calm her heart for a long while, thinking of what had just happened, and she was filled with all kinds of feelings: Had it not been for God’s protection, she really wouldn’t have been able to hold herself up in the face of Wang Wei’s sincere confession, consideration and comfort, and she could perhaps have done something ugly that was immoral and that would have destroyed someone else’s family. Even more serious was that she would have fallen into emotional temptation, offended God’s disposition, lost the testimony of a Christian, and been left with an unforgivable transgression that she would have regretted for the rest of her life. Jingru truly began to appreciate how important God’s words were to her, as they had not only enabled her to gain God’s protection when faced with temptation, but they had also enabled her to stay cool-headed and sensible in speech and deed, and to live out a normal humanity. This experience brought Jingru feelings of ease and enjoyment, and she couldn’t help but thank and praise God from her heart: It was God’s protection that allowed her to overcome the temptations of Satan and stand witness as a Christian. And so she went before God to say a prayer of gratitude, and then she went to sleep.